WALT use ‘show not tell’ when we write a narrative
How do we do this team?
By describing characters' looks, feelings, thoughts, and actions ……………………………………….. ……………………….……………………………………
By using figurative language well
Planning - what is the ‘plot’ and what do we want to show?
The Rip
There were two brothers who were not at all alike; they were different in every way. The younger brother stayed on the sand. And the older brother was always in the water. The older brother liked to swim with his bros, diving and tumbling, and bombing, and snorkling and surfing in the waves. During the day the older brother liked to go on lots of adventures but the younger brother would stay safe on the sand. Sometimes the older brother would creep up to the younger brother and drag him into the water. “Oh come on you little chicken, it’s only waves,” teased the older brother.
One morning their mother grew angry with them, “you're like a cat and a mouse! Out you go together,” she said, “go down to the beach and be nice to each other for once!” “Why did you have to come?” Jack moaned, “I didn't want to come! I’m scared of the beach you know that,” cried James
“You're such a baby! You’re afraid of everything!” The brother left him and went swimming. “Hey! Come here!” He yelled a little while later. Gingerly, he walked over to meet him at the water, “Come on jump in with me” The boy froze in place. “N-oo, you mustn’t” he said. Imaging all the horrible things it could lead to… “Ah! You’re lame,” said the brother as he took the tough, cold water and disappeared.
His brother waited for him to come out of the water. Fear gripped his heart. Tears threatened to burst from his eyes. What could she do? He had to follow him to the water. The water was rough, dark, scary and cold. In the water he found himself in rough water - there was no sign of his brother. Quivering, he saw a fin. Sharks, stingrays, seaweed- what kind of creatures are swimming in there? His mind longed to turn back, but his heart would let him. He could not leave-for what would become of his brother? “Brother! Where are you?” he yelled as he swam. The more he swam, the more he wanted to find his brother.
Furice waves formed into fists, punching him in the gut as he swam. Just when he knew he could swim no further, he saw a rip. There in the rip was a figure flapping around until it was gone, gone down into the deep, dark ocean. It was his brother! He was too late. He swam as fast as he could. Then, just in time to have his life-less brother in his arms. He wept, wishing he had been with his brother all the way. Little by little, he began to breathe, then move, finally talks “James! I knew you would come,” he said.
They swam back through the rip, through the water, and onto the sand. Together. When they reached home, their mother was setting the table. “Hello,” she said, “you two seem very quiet. “Is everything alright?” James smiled at Jake and Jake smiled back.
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